Hug It Out
There’s something mildly hilarious about Sarah Kershaw’s New York Times article on teenagers who hug each other as a greeting and the adults who think this is weird. The whole piece seems to have been constructed as if never previously in the course of American life have teenagers picked up a social custom that many parents and school officials deem weird. Or as if it’s unheard of for teenagers to start doing something non-customary in order to mark themselves off from the behavior patterns of older people:
Comforting as the hug may be, principals across the country have clamped down. “Touching and physical contact is very dangerous territory,” said Noreen Hajinlian, the principal of George G. White School, a junior high school in Hillsdale, N.J., who banned hugging two years ago. “It was needless hugging — they are in the hallways before they go to class. It wasn’t a greeting. It was happening all day.”
I remember when all the kids had slap bracelets and then schools across the land started banning them.
62 Responses to “Hug It Out”
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May 28th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
More pictures of teenagers hugging please.
May 28th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Oh, snap bracelets. I think those are exclusively the province of people born ~81/82/83. We should use it as a secret handshake.
May 28th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Uh, I was in high school more than 20 years ago (shudder) and people hugged as a greeting then. Seriously, someone’s claiming this is a new trend?
May 28th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I’ve noticed this among my son’s peers and fellow students at regular school and where he does dance stuff (he’s 14) — more among the girls than the boys. It seems sweet and pretty unaffected to me. I can think of worse things to do habitually. Of course, you know that half the time it’s an excuse for hiding their hands while they text some other person.
May 28th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
“But some sociologists pointed out that African-American boys and men have been hugging as part of their greeting for decades, using the word “dap” to describe a ritual involving handshakes, slaps on the shoulders and, more recently, a hug, also sometimes called the gangsta hug among urban youth.”
It seems like sociologists left some money on the table by not calling this the “thug hug.”
May 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I was hugging my peers before it was cool, though.
May 28th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Great way to cop a feel, too
May 28th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I think if we really want to start a moral panic about this, we should point out that that’s how people greet in Latin America.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
How long until the rightwing starts calling this a “terrorist solidarity embrace”?
May 28th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
The New York Times, once again, ends up way behind the curve on this story. The WaPo covered the “ban on hugs!” two years ago.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
When I was in high school we ran around in a circle sniffing eachothers butts as a greeting. It was an all boys high school, so hugging would have been a little weird.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Exactly. ¿What kind of phobic creep worries about kids hugging?
May 28th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
My daughter (age 11) has several slap bracelets. She has also discovered that she can make it grab her foot by hopping on it. I am going to check if she is pissed that you think that slap bracelets are passé. OK just checked, and you’re not in trouble. She said (in Italian) “In effect they are a bit antiquated. I got that in 2007 (snort).”
2 years old = antiquated … kids these days.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I cannot believe principals ban hugging. How is physical contact “dangerous” in all its myriad forms. How terrified are school officials? Are they this uptight and humorless? Schools are like little prisons sometimes, I swear. That principle should be very embarrassed; furthermore, she should be ridiculed and made fun of relentlessly.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Things my town’s public schools have banned since I was in elementary school in the early 90s:
Tamogachis
POGS
WWF T-Shirts
The color red
And this is to say nothing of how the school in the Long Island commuter district dealt with both 9-11 and the long run-up to the Iraq war.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
It never ceases to amaze me how many people who neither understand, nor particularly like, children go into the education field. It’s like a vegetarian opening a steakhouse.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
WTF is it with school administrators being neo-fascist whack-jobs? Doesn’t anyone normal every become a school principal or super-intendant?
May 28th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
In my school, snap bracletts were banned because some kid took the casing off one and wound up cutting his wrist. at least that’s what my friend told me. His friend apparently was a witness.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Some of the reasons given in the article are dumb, but wanting to put a damper on hugging among high and (especially) middle school students isn’t necessarily a stupid thing. Hugging isn’t just about greeting your friends, it’s also about being extremely demonstrative in front of others who your friends are, what group you belong to, and it could easily alienate those who aren’t in your little clique.
I think being wary of excessive hugging is more about keeping a lookout for “Mean Girl” culture than hugging per se, or at least it should be. It’s a bigger deal than waving or nodding or even shaking hands with people, it’s more intimate and more easily seen by outside observers.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
15 years ago I was a bit taken aback when college friends started hugging hello and goodbye. Now it is basically standard practice even at work-centric parties. The kids are just picking up on a social trend that would have been part of American culture much sooner if it weren’t for paranoia. I went to a school play last month and several cast members included me in all their post-show hugging, both boys and girls (just one particularly secure straight boy, I grant you, I am out at school). Whatever, I was happy for them, so I didn’t reject their friendly enthusiasm for seeing one of their teachers come out to see them. There was nothing sexual about it. People who assume so are just uptight idiots.
Now, I would not let a potentially gay boy give me a hug unless they had just graduated or something. Equivalent boundaries exist for straight teachers and opposite sex students. No one needed to be told this, it is just common sense.
Our country is pretty stupid sometimes.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Us old farts were hippies in our day, so I’m not sure how anyone thinks we have a problem with hugging. That was our groove. And we still do it. It’s those damn kids that don’t seem to like it. As for the kids, they’re great. I ride the bus, so I come into contact with them all the time. They certainly aren’t the rowdy freaks we were at that age. I kind of feel sorry for them, but they have so much going for them that I can do nothing but wish them well.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Hugging is a gateway thing to ass-grabbing and fondling.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Equally amusing are the articles (I think there was one in the Times today even) noting that texting is the end of civilization.
My 9th grader and her friends hug all the time. Hug, hug, hug. And then they text, and then hug some more. And yes it does appear to be a good way to cop a feel.
Oh well as long as school administrators are still allowed to strip search young girls, no harm no foul.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Born in ‘80 and owned 3 snap bracelets. They were awesome for about four months. Remember the plastic clackers that briefly gained popularity around the same time? Good times.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
This goes great with the text messaging codes every parent should know.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
“Uh, I was in high school more than 20 years ago (shudder) and people hugged as a greeting then. Seriously, someone’s claiming this is a new trend?”
High-school boys did not routinely hug to greet each other in the 1980s. Not a chance.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Ah, slap bracelets. Those were the days. Next thing you know, they’ll be bringing back sneakers with air pumps.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
A bit surprising that Ari Gold wasn’t quoted on this article, regarding his use of hugging as problem resolution.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
My favorite line in the story:
Anyone else suspect the un-edited version was:
May 28th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Grown-ups have been clueless and sucked as long as I’ve been alive. I’ll be 60 next month.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I know that hugging your friend is a big thing in the pre-school set and is encouraged by both the pre-school teachers (a way to keep the kids all in one place … if they are all hugging each other, they can’t roam too far away!) and by many of the kids’ shows (Dora, the Blue’s Clues franchise, etc.).
Are these phenomena around long enough to explain the hugging trend amongst pre-teens and teens (i.e. is the reason this trend is starting because these kids were raised to hug from a young age)? OTOH, given the encouragement of hugging amongst the young set, there’ll be some major cognitive dissonance if authority figures in school (who push hugging in the pre-K years) suddenly say “no hugging allowed” …
May 28th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Geez, I go around hugging teenage girls, and the schools wanna get all Megan’s Law on my ass…
May 28th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
If they really want to stop the kids from hugging, just tell all the teachers to start hugging each other constantly. The kids will stop within a week.
May 28th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Is it just some weird artifact of the photo, or does the girl on the left in the hug (i.e., the one facing away from the camera) have very, very skinny arms? What’s going on there?
May 28th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/03/07/the-mechanics-of-the-man-hug/
May 28th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Heaven forbid this article had been written about an all-girls school. We hugged, held hands, kissed each other on the cheek–all as greetings. I suppose I’m a little taken aback that there are adults so concerned about kids and teens being outwardly warm and affectionate. Best quote of the whole thing:
“Witnessing this interaction always makes me feel like I am a tourist in a country where I do not know the customs and cannot speak the language.”
May 28th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I seem to recall this happening in the 90s as well. Exact same responses from the adminstrators as well, go figure.
May 28th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
“High-school boys did not routinely hug to greet each other in the 1980s. Not a chance.”
Well, they did if they were hippies. Because only hippies didn’t care about being called fags. Instead, the normal people of that period felt that punching people was the proper form of affection. Wake me up when America becomes a mature country. My ancestors fought for this country, and there was a good reason back then. These days, I’m not so sure. We are apparently fighting for NASCAR and the right to beat your wife and drink Budweiser. I don’t think anyone should honor the graves of my ancestors, but I do think the Constitution is cool. We should honor it. But nobody really takes it seriously. As Bush said: “it’s just a piece of paper.” He was rightly criticized, but he was right. Show me a court in this country that actually gives a damn about it.
May 28th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Clackers
May 28th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Perhaps in other cultures that are much more comfortable with touching in general and with sharing public space, this “hugging” stuff wouldn’t even be an issue.
I wonder if the larger issue here, is that all this “hugging” is taking place in schools in certain communites where maintaining a very wide personal “space bubble” is considered the norm. These kids are breaking the cultural norm that perhaps, their parents grew up in regarding phsysical touch.
Here is an article I found that states
“…our society has placed significant proscriptions against touch, making the U.S. one of the lowest contact cultures. Simply put: Touch is taboo…”
Don’t know really. Something to ponder.
Americans’ Pathological Avoidance of Touch
by Matthew J. Hertenstein, Associate Professor of Psychology
http://www.collegenews.org/x9278.xml
May 28th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
This is why I ready Yglz. Snap bracelet references.
May 28th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Wow that’s so retarded.
May 28th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Well at least they’re not kissing each other on each cheek!
May 28th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
BTW, wasn’t the whole anti-smoking campaign’s slogan “Hugs Not Drugs”? Aren’t they doing exactly what we told them to?
May 28th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
anti-drug campaign
May 28th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I have never been the touchy feely type myself.but if the worst thing that a kid ever does in school is hug someone than they should recieve a scholarship to college.
I hope these schools have perfect test scores and zero violence. Otherwise they have more important things to worry about.
May 28th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Everyone knows that hugging leads to dancing. Can’t have that.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:25 am
Mainly I think it makes it hard for teachers to know who the lesbians are.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:26 am
My kidding! under the above disappeared.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:07 am
I like the whole Puritan robot thing. God forbid human beings show their humanity towards one another.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:43 am
If you do google image search for “hugging”, you get some really funny shit – frogs do it to.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:54 am
What!!? Teenagers hug each other?
How far detached from reality does one have to be to consider this a trend and not just something people do. I’m only 20 so this seems pretty normal to me but was there ever a time that friends didn’t hug each other?
May 29th, 2009 at 7:18 am
Pretty soon those liberals are gonna start callin’ for hug ed so they can perpetuate this perverse, Godless spectacle.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:01 am
I remember slap bracelets too. I would say slap bracelets is one of many things that could never be developed by a communist country. We tend to think of schools banning slap bracelets as only interfering with the freedom of children, but imagine what that was like for Stuart Anders who invented the slap bracelet. He was a school teacher in Wisconsin, fooling around with steel ribbons, then by chance he shows the invention to Philip Bart a agent for toy inventors. Then they contacted Eugene Murtha a toy company executive who saw the value in slap bracelets, because they were cheap and people would buy them as novelties, not just at Christmas time. So they launch this, product, which they know will just be a fad and they make a lot of money. Then these stupid schools decide to start banning the things, cutting into their profits for no reason. As a consequence of this other fads are also slightly less profitable and so we are treated to somewhat fewer awesome novelty toys. Oh and kids were hugging back in the 90s too. Maybe they should start kissing each other on the cheek.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Going to hold off judgment on this until The Doctors tell me just how scared I should be.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
No hugs. No lessons.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I thought hugging was just a California thing now sweeping the nation, as has happened in the past. I recall that I picked up the habit when I moved to Berkeley for grad school over 15 years ago. My East Cost friends thought I was pretty weird for wanting to hug them. As you can tell, I’m nowhere near being a teenager, and a hug is still the customary greeting with my friends.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
If it hadn’t been for the cultural hugging immersion I’ve gotten from 10 years in HI, the whole teen hugging thing might come off as hetero/homo-erotic to me, too. It sounds like some people need to re-read Leo Buscaglia.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
“Touching and physical contact is very dangerous territory,” said Noreen Hajinlian, the principal of George G. White School, a junior high school in Hillsdale, N.J., who banned hugging two years ago.
Ms Hajinlian is the wrong line of business.
She’d be better employed using her scarlet-youth scare tactics to sell bands — boys’ bands. She could be living like a king.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
I think this is a GOOD trend. Finally something that promotes love and whatnot instead of violence and hate. It’s obvious the kids probably don’t get enough affection at home too, seeing as their parents are so bothered by something as HUMAN as hugging a friend. If this bothers them they’d loath Russia where casual hugs and kisses are part of the culture.
‘Touching and physical contact is very dangerous territory’
Yeah, when it’s UNINVITED you MORON. Get out so the rest of us can evolve! You’re clogging the gene pool! 8D
May 29th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Well I didn’t really mean to say “trend” but you got the idea. pff.
I hope these kids change the stupid no-touch culture the US has made for itself.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Empathy in the schoolyard? Empathy on the high court? Where will it all end???