Comic Book Prisons
Last week’s genius Gitmo quip belonged to Glenn Greenwald who observed “Actually, the only person to even make an escape attempt from a SuperMax is Green Arrow, who hasn’t succeeded despite the help of Joker and Lex Luthor.” That said, Adam Serwer correctly observed that this isn’t quite right:
Greenwald clearly doesn’t remember the Magneto incident of 2003, in which the mutant supervillain escaped from his glass prison facility after Mystique increased the iron content in his guard’s blood, which Magneto extracted using his ferrokinetic powers and then used to destroy his cell. Obviously, we need to discover if Gitmo inmates do have mutant abilities, which will undoubtedly require more waterboarding, and this has to be done before the administration gets a dime to close Guantanamo. In fact, I’m pretty sure Nancy Pelosi was briefed on the subject in 2002.
Indeed, the 1996 non-canon DC Universe miniseries “Kingdom Come” by Mark Waid and Alex Ross is largely consumed with the difficult question of super-villain incarceration. As a fictional problem, this shouldn’t be overstated. Note also that the Powers series, which I like a lot, has to rely on the pretty odd deus ex machina of the “powers drainer” to make its “realistic” superhero noir work.
36 Responses to “Comic Book Prisons”
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May 23rd, 2009 at 8:48 am
Shouldn’t we relax and let Jack Bauer have the final say on Gitmo?
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:51 am
If you get stung on the foot by a stingray, soak your foot in hot water for about 30 mins. This denatures the poison, and pain relief is instant.
May 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am
The power drainers in powers never really struck me as odd. If there were that many people with powers out there you would think that society would have an unbelievable strong interest in spending money on developing something like a power drainer. No?
May 23rd, 2009 at 9:11 am
Don’t you liberals understand that all terrorists have superpowers! Only through waterboarding can we drain their powers. Wake up sheeple!
May 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 am
Do you mean “Heroes?” Cause that’s the first thing I thought of when I read this post – that the only real way to incarcerate people with superpowers is to have some element of the prison take away those superpowers.
Unless it’s Aquaman. Then you just have to have a prison without fishtanks.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:02 am
The guy on the right wouldn’t last more than twenty hours in that position. It looks a little better on your internal organs than crucifixion, but man, the stress on your back would suck. But the beauty of crucifixion is that it’s really about your organs collapsing. At that point, the other issues just go away. We use a stress position similar to this. But we’re Americans, so whatever we do is perfectly humane. Now, if a Vietnamese person had put someone in that position, that would be torture. Go figure.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
You are making a joke, obviously, but there are many examples of non-superpowered inmates escaping from high security facilities.
I believe clint Eastwood escaped from Alcatraz, while Tim Robbins made it out of Shawshank.
On a serious note, I am hoping that the increase in funding for the National Science Foundation as part of the Stimulus Package will lead to support for my grant proposal to develop a working Phantom Zone projector. In this way we can solve both the Gitmo problem, increase our scientific competitiveness, and decrease the unemployment rate.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:07 am
And by “both” I mean solve all three problems.
Sigh – perhaps this is why the grant has not been approved.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:16 am
Speaking of organs collapsing, note that if the Democrats had had the balls to stick a stake through Cheney’s heart and cut off his head like I advised (er..politically speaking), then Cheney would not be a highly visible critic out there rallying opposition to Obama.
Obama’s promise to the Naval Academy’s graduates yesterday that he wouldn’t send them into harm’s way for no good reason was a half-decent response yesterday. But a shiv into the ribs takes too long to work — in war you need to cut the motherfucker’s arm off with a cutlass. There should still be someone in Annapolis who can show you how –or ask Kate Beckinsale.
I would suggest a public discussion of the Big Oil economic interests that provoked Sept 11 as a start. Point out, for example, that George W’s claim that they attacked us because they “hate our freedoms” wasn’t exactly true. The record is quite clear on that. Then segue into WHY did George W LIE to the American people. What were his and Dick’s MOTIVATIONS.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Yes, “no blood for oil” has proven to be such a devastating argument. It really shuts the Republicans up.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:00 am
“(er..politically speaking)”
Umm, why only politically speaking? I wouldn’t cut off Cheney’s head for very obscure religious reasons, but a stake through the heart sounds reasonable. It would have to be a wooden stake, from what I understand. But if that doesn’t work, I’ll go hunting with Cheney, but I’ll pack the shells with silver shot. It’s really hard to kill the undead, from what I hear. But I have better aim than he does, so I should be fine. Of course, better aim than Cheney means I can shoot a gun somewhere and probably not hit my friend. If I can aim within 100 degree accuracy, I’m better than Cheney. Of course, I hold the rifelry merit badge, so I’m actually a pretty good shot. I can shoot at a keyboard from 50 yards and hit the key I want with a bolt action 30-06 rifle. With the Ak-47, it’s much harder to do that, but with a thirty round clip, I’ll hit it eventually. But Cheney’s a big target, he’d be no problem. Hell, all I’d have to do is screw up his pacemaker and he’ll die anyway.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:01 am
While this red herring is amusing, that’s not the kind of escape that’s being worried about. The kind that’s being worried about is the lawyer assisted sort: one where an inmate was captured on a battlefield, and there’s no admissable evidence (from a civil court standpoint) against him. In that circumstance, the worry isn’t that he’ll bust out on his own; rather it’s that a lawyer from the ACLU (et. al.) will get him released.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 am
“But Cheney’s a big target, he’d be no problem.”
Except for the fact that he’s an undead zombie, thus the silver shot. That’s supposed to work on them.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:06 am
Does no one remember that General Zod and 2 accomplices escaped from the Phantom Zone???
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am
James, If your SuperTerrorist was “captured on a battlefield,” as you describe him, wouldn’t he be covered by the Geneva Convention, which includes rules against torture? In that case, the biggest concern is that if some ACLU lawyer gets him out, then the SuperTerrorist starts to talk publicly about his case, and about his illegal treatment amounting to war crimes. That would be annoying, confronting us with the obligation to prosecute the war criminals who authorized the illegal treatment. Better if we can ignore all that serious stuff and keep our nice little fantasies going.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:29 am
While this red herring is amusing, that’s not the kind of escape that’s being worried about.
This is precisely what’s being worried about if you listen to the Republican pundits on the radio and television. You’re simply making up and argument for them because you know how lame they are. You’re at least willing to concede the obvious: that Guantanamo was created to serve as a legal limbo, not as a super-secure prison.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
While this red herring is amusing, that’s not the kind of escape that’s being worried about. The kind that’s being worried about is the lawyer assisted sort: one where an inmate was captured on a battlefield, and there’s no admissable evidence (from a civil court standpoint) against him.
Except Boumediene establishes that Habeas rules and thus the dreaded interference of basic civil liberties apply to the Gitmo prisoners as much as they would apply in any American prison. So this particular worry is just as nonsensical.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Is there no atrocity so horrific, James, that you aren’t willing to support it?
Here are a couple of facts:
1) Iraq, circa 2003, posed no threat to the United States.
2) A decent society provides evidence and trials for those whom it wants locked away.
3) James is too stupid to support either of these simple propositions.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
Alex Ross of the “New Yorker?” Next we’ll find out that Anthony Cordesman of “The Absolute Sound” also has a secret identity.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
We need to close Gitmo and move them to the Project 42 prison in the negative zone that Tony Stark and Reed Richards built. The only thing you have to worry about is someone like Blaastar coming along and using the prison portal as a way to invade our universe. I mean, what are the odds of that happening?
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
[...] UPDATE #2: Matt Y [...]
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
It’s not just Republicans – this is now a bipartisan game where the entire “torture” debate will slide beneath the waves. Yesterday, the House voted against investigating anything to do with this stuff. The reason is simple: lots of upper echelon Dems knew about what was happening, and approved – either explicitly or tacitly. Those upper echelon Dems now run the House and Senate, and they aren’t about to start an investigation that will burn them personally.
Watch for this entire thing to float off, as we “move on” to talking about health care and other issues deemed more relevant by the administration.
This is the same kind of thing that buried any investigation into Chinese money going to the Clinton/Gore campaign back in the 90s – while some Republicans wanted to push it, others (then in the leadership) realized that they had dirty hands as well, and any investigation would burn not just Democrats, but them as well. Thus, it all went down the memory hole – as this will.
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Does no one remember that General Zod and 2 accomplices escaped from the Phantom Zone???
We should move the terrorists to the Phantom Zone where they can float around in space and stare at the stars. That way we don’t need to be blatantly hypocritical by asking other countries to take them.
I don’t remember how Zod escaped though. Was it an accident or something?
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:52 pm
How about the Fortress OF Solitude? 6 months with no TV should break their spirit. Just look at Richard Hack facing the prospect of a summer without Summer Glau.
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Superman had thrown a hydrogen bomb, that terrorists had planted in the Eiffel Tower, into space. This ticking time bomb exploded, and the shock wave caused a disturbance in space-time that shattered the floating space mirror that had entrapped Zod, Ursa and whats-his-name. (Nod?)
in the first draft of the first Superman film, he had to stop two nuclear missiles, one sent to New Jersey and the other to California. Ms. Teshmacher made him promise to stop the one heading to Jersey first, which he did (as he always keeps his word. How would the past eight years have differed when we realized that they hate us for our values – Truth, Justice and the American Way – and we had decided to live up to them, rather than unilaterally surrendering and abandoning them?). He three that nuke into space, and then raced off to California. The explosion from that first missile, which he was distracted by Lois in California from supervising, would have freed Zod and company, setting up the second film.
That I knew all that without consulting the web, nor having seen these films in over ten years, demonstrates my mighty, useless powers! Kneel before Nerd!
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Hey, his name was Non, not Nod, Jim. You call yourself a nerd?
And as we have recently learned, Non was a brilliant scientist and colleague of Jor-El who was turned into a non-verbal idiot after the Kryptonian Science Council lobotomized him for heresy against super-science orthodoxy when he spoke out about Krypton’s impending destruction and helped Zod’s insurrection.
Also, the whole Phantom Zone has recently disappeared so we can’t send our detainees there. Instead, maybe we can store them in bottle cities.
Isn’t his more fun than talking politics?
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:41 pm
What about Rorschach escaping from Sing Sing in Watchmen? Maybe that’s not technically a SuperMax.
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Non – yes, thank you. Well, I was close.
And even though I don’t regularly read Superman, I had heard about the retcon lobotomy. I love the phrase “super-science.” Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that this was NOT a field of study available to me in graduate school!
And Rorschach had help from the outside, and managed to take advantage of the confusion of a riot to escape prison. Without an armored Owlship (which require a power input of 4.4 MegaWatts to fly, by the way), it is doubtful the Gitmo detainees could pull it off.
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Sean Connery escaped from Alcatraz – twice. The second time at the age of 67, when he was being guarded by Force Recon Marines with nerve gas rockets.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Supervillains pretty regularly escaped from Project Pegasus, the original (as far as I know) Marvel super-prison.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:16 pm
James Robertson writes: “In that circumstance, the worry isn’t that he’ll bust out on his own; rather it’s that a lawyer from the ACLU (et. al.) will get him released.”
Presumably you think this means he’ll be released and given a green card?
In reality, he’d then be an illegal alien. If no other country wants to accept the person, then we’d just hold them in an illegal immigrant context. We have plenty of people held indefinitely because we can’t find anywhere to deport them to.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:16 pm
“Just look at Richard Hack facing the prospect of a summer without Summer Glau.”
Ah, but Leverage comes back in July, which gives me Gina Bellman and Beth Riesgraf! That will hold me until Dollhouse returns in the fall with Eliza Dushku, Dichan Lachman, and Olivia Williams, and Chuck with Vvonne Strahovski, Sarah Lancaster, and Julia Ling.
I’ll get by, though it will be hard. But Gina is THE sultriest babe on TV right now, and Beth is a perky nutcase.
Check Gina out:
http://popculturezoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/gina-bellman.jpg
http://serieina.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/53725_gina_bellman3_122_29lo.jpg
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
[...] Matthew Yglesias » Comic Book Prisons – Prisons are serious business. Serious. [...]
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Richard Hack: Gina is ok, but Beth, Mrrrraooow!
May 24th, 2009 at 12:39 am
RSH crushing on a Jewish chick? Now I’ve seen everything!
May 24th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Chris D: I crush on Winona Ryder (nee Horowitz), Rachel Weisz, and any other good looking woman, regardless of race, nationality, or religion (except fanatical Christians, of course). I even liked Gal Godot, Miss Israel 2004, in “Fast and Furious”!
Jim: Oh, yeah, I like Beth, too!
http://serieina.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/53675_beth_riesgraf3_122_68lo.jpg
http://serieina.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/53659_beth_riesgraf1_122_482lo.jpg