Nature Decays, But Latinum Lasts Forever
With Fox News and Drudge stoking fears of a new global currency the question naturally arises of what to call the currency. One option, based on analogy with the Euro, would be to call it the Globo. On the other hand, part of the appeal of “Euro” is that it’s solid multi-lingual word—something that works as well in Portugese as it does in Finnish. On the world-wide scale, I’m not sure there’s anything truly similar that works.
One leading contender in the future monetary policy literature is the “credit” found in Galactic Empire’s as varied as George Lucas’ and Isaac Asimov’s. There’s also the “cubit” from Battlestar which actually manages to stay in use despite the near-total destruction of humanity.
But Glenn Beck should consider that the left’s agenda goes considerably beyond a black helicopter-based global monetary system. The ultimate aim is to establish a Star Trek-style post-capitalist society in which there’s no currency whatsoever. Fortunately, the Trek universe does provide some refuge for the right—the Ferengi who stand strong against the collectivist proclivities of their Alpha Quadrant neighbors. They, of course, have moved beyond fiat currency to a sound money system based on the un-replicatable liquid latinum; used in its gold-pressed form as a convenient means of exchange.
94 Responses to “Nature Decays, But Latinum Lasts Forever”
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March 26th, 2009 at 8:52 am
An elephant is worth more than any damn Ferengi coolie.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
this is a good example of why i love this blog.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Call it the ‘Beck’ just to make him cry again.
“Wow this transgendered hooker costs 100 Becks!”
March 26th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I vote for “Quid.” An tip of the hat to the original globalists.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Call it the crypto, as i encrypted on-line accounts. Establish one rule, individuals invest the Crypto Bank as anonymous savers, protected from intrusion by their national go0vernments.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Wait ’til they find out that all transactions will be electronically done, no printed or minted currency at all, and will be done by GPS-tracking implants in your forehead, and you have to be authorized by ACORN to receive it. Those who attempt to avoid implantation will be relocated to one of the Saul Alinsky Revolutionary Joy reeducation centers across the nation.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Glenn Beck is more spot on in his paranoia than even he suspects. The Left’s sole goal at the current time is to sneak into his bedroom at night and massage his butt cheeks with estrogen cream.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:04 am
I’ll second “quid.” Was going to suggest “denarius,” but “quid” is better. It also turns “quid pro quo” from a metaphor into a statement of fact.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Where’s the love for the quatloo?
March 26th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I’d be fine with “spacebucks”.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:12 am
Kick it old school and go for thalers.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:16 am
I wouldn’t mind clocking “ducats.”
March 26th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Roubini suggests a unit called “Pussy”
http://www.businessinsider.com/busy-roubini-keeps-up-his-party-boy-lifestyle-2009-3
Roubini has groupies. Who do you have no groupies, Matthew?
March 26th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Back in the 1970s, “Serious” sci-fi was distinguished by its use of a monetary system based on “credits,” so I vote for that, if only as a memorial to my favorite authors (Niven, Chalker etc.) of that time.
I am in favor of for “quatloos,” however, if the Global Treasury Minister gets to be a green-haired woman in a silver bikini.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Brilliant!
March 26th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Come on guys. If we go spacebucks we have Mel Brooks’ picture on the currency. Though pictures of Ferengi would be a close second.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:28 am
the Esperantollar or the Fiat
March 26th, 2009 at 9:38 am
We are already calling our currency that.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:47 am
There is a genuine currency in use between Esperanto speakers, believe it or not!
It’s called the “stelo”. Confirmation at http://www.lernu.net
March 26th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I would favor pegging the dollar to the spice melange, so that our currency could double as a powerful hallucinogen, plus we would ensure that the Red Chinese never open up a Kwisatz Haderach gap.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Let’s just give in to monolithic corporations and get it over with. I suggest Disney Dollars.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I support a currency backed by Ovaltine and printed on Mars.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:14 am
C’mon Matt, if your going to go Trek go TOS from the episode “The Gamesters of Triskelion” and call it the Quatloo. “I wager 200 Quatloos on the newcomer.”
March 26th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Ah, I see James Gary has beat me to the punch.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:17 am
There’s hardly a point to this exercise if it doesn’t agitate the terrified reptilian core of the conservative brain. The currency has to stoke a terror of one-world government by ultra-elite, rootless, cosmopolitan European supercrats who think they’re better than everybody else and, ideally, actually are better than everybody else. Something that invokes dark fears of financier cabals pulling strings from behind curtains.
And so I nominate the soros.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Wouldn’t conservatives love the transition to a global currency? We’d no longer be able to buy government bonds with newly printed dollars, right? Wouldn’t that drive down the value of our debt since we wouldn’t be as large of a customer anymore? Wouldn’t this require a bit of Hooverism to fix?
I don’t understand any of this stuff, but it seems that the power of the Fed to finance deficit spending is something conservatives would rather live without, despite the origins of the Fed in the first place. Of course, there’s what conservatives say to get votes and what conservatives do to fund their campaigns.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:19 am
In honor of the recently-Raptured Kara Thrace, how about “Starbucks”? (Yes, yes, I recognize the potential for confusion…..)
March 26th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I agree that conservatives should embrace the one-world government / one-world currency we liberals are plotting out. It would cause immense suffering, especially amongst conservatives, which builds character. They’ll have character shooting out their ears by the time we’re finished with our social engineering.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:22 am
This is giving me a headache. I’m more familiar with conspiracy theorists as punchlines or cultists or foils for their more moderate fellows than as parts of meaningful political factions. What are they doing in Congress?
I think this is a generational thing. Like, my first exposure to the Illuminati was on the Gargoyles cartoon. I think I first read about the Trilateral Commission treated as a paranoid theory rather than as something genuinely to be concerned about. A Douglas Adams book had a plot point about a CIA agent supposedly drugging water reservoirs to cause mass hallucinations, and I read that long before I knew what MKULTRA was.
If I were my parent’s age I imagine that I would have seen the source material first and all the mockery of and homages to it later, rather than vice versa. But here I am, seeing people panic about a global currency on CNN. It’s one thing to know intellectually that those references are based on genuine fears and myths, but it’s like the Twilight Zone to see those fears and myths first.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Didn’t the global currency used to be called gold?
“Beck” should be reserved as a measure of penis size.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Quite possibly the best post you’ve ever written.
**standing ovation**
But I’m with Bosch’s Poodle — calling it the “soros” would cause such delicious implosions on the right …
March 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Yeah, yeah quatloos. It’s a good name.
What’s the currency called in Dune? Does anyone know?
March 26th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I propose the Fnord.
The conservatives will love being under the grip of a global, invisible currency.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Given the bizarre behavior of our plutocrats –and their driving need for periodic injections of capital , whether they be on Wall Street or in the Senate — I suggest we name the currency unit the ” Fix”.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:39 am
This is strange. I am a staunch conservative, and heck, I am absolutely in favour of a global, hard money (asset-based) currency. Heck, we used to have it, a very conservative thing; it’s call gold.
Why the hell are conservatives opposing something that necessarily imposes fiscal and monetary discipline on profligate, social-engineering governments, preventing them from just printing money and devaluing everything?
A solid global currency, backed by assets, is something very good for the conservative cause. A global fiat currency would not be, but nobody has any chance of actually achieving that in the year of our Lord 2009.
I, for one, support the introduction of the gold-backed Islamic dinar. At least the Muslims are proposing something useful.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:40 am
James Gary:
Back in the 1970s, “Serious” sci-fi was distinguished by its use of a monetary system based on “credits,” so I vote for that, if only as a memorial to my favorite authors (Niven, Chalker etc.) of that time.
I’d vote for “credits” for our new global currency. And I’d vote for the head of the Global Reserve Bank to be the Swedish model. She could discuss interest rates and the global economic outlook in a bikini which would make monetary policy sexy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elin_Nordegren
March 26th, 2009 at 10:47 am
“C’mon Matt, if your going to go Trek go TOS from the episode “The Gamesters of Triskelion” and call it the Quatloo. “I wager 200 Quatloos on the newcomer.””
Hey, I may have seen this episode when it originally aired (1/5/68 according to a quick look at IMDB), but to Matt this was only a couple of years after monks stopped illuminating manuscpripts. FWIW, this is not atually a good Trek episode (and though its from the second season, its tone seems more akin to the clearly inferior third season) but it is sort of (unintentionally) goofy enough to be endearing. And yet another notch on the phaser of James T. Kirk, galactic playboy.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Or maybe “Fugi”. “foo foo”. “aip” “beam” –”Beam me up , Scotty”. “bing” etc
Oh –and let’s change “Banks” to “Feed Bags”. Especially if they own a lot of abandominiums.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Call them GRAMS and make sure they are made out of pure gold. That seems to be working very well.
Mark Herpel
Editor@DGCmagazine.com
March 26th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Oh — and does anyone know that “Boulya” is street for crack cocaine?
Which kinda explains that Jim Cramer “Buy” reco on Bear Stearns.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:57 am
[The Gamesters of Triskelion] is sort of (unintentionally) goofy enough to be endearing.
Semi-OT: In my opinion, “Goofy enough to be endearing” constitutes the entire appeal of the original Trek shows. The overly self-serious TNG and everything after it have no appeal whatsoever to me.
Also, please note that Davis X. Machina proposed the quatloo at #10, well before I did. My #15 was a gloss on his post.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:03 am
“Pounds of flesh.”
March 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I agree that conservatives should embrace the one-world government / one-world currency we liberals are plotting out. It would cause immense suffering, especially amongst conservatives, which builds character. They’ll have character shooting out their ears by the time we’re finished with our social engineering.
That’s party why I like “credits” b/c it’s kind of a bloodless, impersonal, technocratic term which would cause conservatives more pain and build more character.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
‘Quatloo’ has my vote. If you’re going in the direction of “globo,” though, may I suggest “mondo” as an alternative?
March 26th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Can I suggest world music star Yani as the face of the 5 globo note?
March 26th, 2009 at 11:28 am
These wingnuts need to look at themselves if they’re all bothered about a global reserve currency. This was heavily advocated by one of their presidential candidates last time around.
Conservatives are the only ones who talk about restoring the global currency.
The gold standard was a global reserve currency.
Which also easily answers Matt’s question of what to call it. It’s called Gold. Not sure what the Russians and the Chinese call gold, but that’s what we call it.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Seems most of the world has learned how to say “dollar” pretty well, regardless of their mother tongue?
BTW, “euro” isn’t pronounced any more uniformly in Europe any more than “dollar” is around the world. You’ve got “oy-ro”, “yer-ro”, etc. It’s the common symbol that counts, not pronunciation.
Afterall, a Bangladeshi and a Berber trader might have more reasons for difficulty communicating with each other than the just term of their global currency.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I propose the Fnord.
I have got to dig up my copy of that game…
March 26th, 2009 at 11:33 am
How about the rapture?
Or the shekel, ’cause, of course, you know who’s really behind this.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:33 am
or, just take a cheesy queue from bad sci-fi movies.
Call the global currency “credit”
You work, you get paid in credits. You buy something and a machine scans your eyes or your finger print and takes credits from your account.
Like in that crappy demolition man movie.
Of course, were this the world of demolition man, if we cussed out loud, we’d be fined a few credits. And we’d get little ATM receipts that we could use to wipe our asses.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:38 am
I say the Rushbo. Just to piss him off. Rush always hated how the capitalist Ferengi were depicted as sniveling, greedy, perverted little weasel men.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:43 am
U238 – E Pluribus Uranium. The original Hard (radiation) Currency.
Unfortunately, it is denominated by the Kiloton, so it’s hard to make decent change.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:46 am
What’s the exchange rate with the Quo these days.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I think now is the time to think a step ahead, or even two. We should skip straight to the Solari, or possibly to the Milkiwayer, though the latter might make the purchase of Milky Way candy bars confusing. We could call the galactic currency the Zagnut. Nobody buys those.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Did anyone else notice or remember that the head Thrall (slave) in the “Gamesters of Triskelion” episode was named “Galt?” I doubt that was an accident.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Of course, were this the world of demolition man, if we cussed out loud, wed be fined a few credits. And wed get little ATM receipts that we could use to wipe our asses.
You mean to tell me you don’t know how to use the three sea shells?
James gary- right, thanks for the correction. I missed Davis X Machina’s first mention of the quatloo.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Looking for a global name, why not the “Tera” or “Terra”? Doesn’t get more global than that.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Can I suggest world music star Yani as the face of the 5 globo note?
I second this. That’s an inspired choice.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
How many globos would it take to convince a certain Brazilian media conglomerate to cede international rights to their name?
March 26th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
The name “Visa” was chosen to replace the old “Bankamericard” precisely because it had the same meaning and same pronunciation everywhere in the world.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Did anyone else notice or remember that the head Thrall (slave) in the “Gamesters of Triskelion” episode was named “Galt?” I doubt that was an accident.
I noticed that too. I want to think it was a clever allusion, but the other three thralls were named Lars, Shahna, and Tamoon—which as far as I can tell have no significance whatever. If there was some Ayn Rand connection intended, the screenwriter was pretty lazy about carrying through with it.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Me, I’m still trying to collect enough Ningis to exchange for one Triganic Pu.
It’s uphill work.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Either the florin or the guilder.
March 26th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
There’s always the QUID although it’s technically more intergalactic rather than international.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
What’s the currency called in Dune? Does anyone know?
It’s the “liter”, isn’t it? Metal rings, each representing a liter of water? (That’s a quandary for the right. Yay fiat currency; boo metric system!)
Or there’s the Oc dollar, the Betan dollar, the UCU (or “yuk”), the Gipper, the Felician millipfennig, the silver solon, the Altairian dollar, the dollarpound, the fuseodollar, the Ankh-Morpork dollar, the kongbuck, the New Yen or the Day?
(Prize for anyone who can name the sources without googling…)
March 26th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
(Prize for anyone who can name the sources without googling )
Paging Gary Farber…paging Gary Farber…
March 26th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Dam n the Internets. I’ve just learned that Latinum, like so much of Star Trek, is some hooky techno-babble for something that violates the laws of physics but is otherwise kosher for the purposes of the ST universe. It’s liquid at room temperature–supposedly–but there seems to be a whole host of products that incorporate it and yet don’t melt despite their daily use. So either a) they’re actually alloys, and the characters are being glib, or b) the writers of ST don’t give a s**t about the laws of physics. Guess which one I think it is?
March 26th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
There are two currencies at work in “Dune,” both mentioned above. First, there is the spice melange, which is the fiat galactic currency. Then there is the liter, used exclusively by the Fremen on Arrakis, demoninated in rings worn around the body. The cool thing about the liter (or waterring as I’ve seen it quoted), is that when somebody dies on Arrakis, their body is quite literally liquidated, weighed, and waterrings are minted and given to the next of kin. I wonder if rightwing blowhards would be against this, just on the principal that when you die, the death tax would probably involve *forcibly* giving your precious bodily fluids to the world government’s sietch.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
How about the “Ronald Reagan”?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@ #66:
Kongbuck is from Snow Crash, and New Yen from Neuromancer. Can’t get the others without thinking, and I’m on break this week, so no thinking…
March 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Gippers are also from Snow Crash—Reagan’s face is on the trillion-dollar bill or something like that. There are also Meeses, which dates the book somewhat.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Or there’s the Oc dollar, the Betan dollar, the UCU (or “yuk”), the Gipper, the Felician millipfennig, the silver solon, the Altairian dollar, the dollarpound, the fuseodollar, the Ankh-Morpork dollar, the kongbuck, the New Yen or the Day?
(Prize for anyone who can name the sources without googling…)
fuseodollar – Edenist currency in Hamilton’s “Night’s Dawn” trilogy
Ankh-Morpork dollar – Pratchett’s Discworld
I feel like I should know some of the others too.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Some very good and interesting names have been suggusted. Being an international currency shouldn’t we esperantize them? like kwatlo, kwido, kredito, or my favorite. ‘latumo’ etc? Jes! me tre shatas latumoj!
March 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I suggest we make pussy the medium of exchange.
But then, I probably still wouldn’t get any since I can’t get any regular money either.
Seriously, what’s wrong with calling money fuckin’ MONEY?! Nobody says, “Show me the Euro!” or “Show me the dollar!” They say, “Show me the MONEY!”
March 26th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
@66
Altair dollar from Ben Bova’s The Winds of Altair?
how much is that answer worth in Wolfcats?
and no, I didn’t look it up, which is why I’m probably wrong
I think we should call the world currency the Shiny, and say it like that goblin in Hellboy II
Hey friend, what about that which is mine? mmm, Shiny!
March 26th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Betan dollar is from Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan books.
March 26th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Just to emphasize the evil internationalist roots of global currency trading, I’d like to point out that George Soros’ native language is Esperanto. It’s true. You can look it up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_soros
March 26th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
For the record, Euro is not exactly pan-european. The bulgarians use the word “evro” (short for evropa) and even got some guff from old europe for trying to use their native word.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
And now Matt reveals the left-wing plot to remake the economy on a foundation of enslaved dilithium miners toiling away for the benefit of the military-scientific complex.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
At the end of DS9, of course, the Ferengi undergo major reforms; my impression is that they’re still capitalists, and will be for some time, but are now in either the Progressive Era or the New Deal, rather than the Guilded Age.
The Federation isn’t a capitalist society, but you never really hear about central planners controlling the economy either. Star Trek, as a franchise, seems to anticipate that changes in social arrangements will be as dramatic as changes in technology. In both cases, the consequences are dramatic: technologically, people can be beamed from place to place instantly. Socially, there is no more poverty, people work in jobs that are individually fulfilling and socially productive according to their desires and capacities, and neither markets nor central planning seem to control the economy.
In the case of technology, though, Star Trek has created a lexicon of technobabble, while in the case of social arrangements, it’s focused solely on results, without even an appearance of explaining how these results are achieved. It’s as if, rather than talking about warp coils, matter/antimatter reactors, and subspace, the franchise’s materials simply asserted “it’s the 23rd/24th century. Stuff can go faster than light.” I suppose this is because most people (including me) find even actually-existing technology at least somewhat mysterious, while the structure of society is, at least superficially, evident in a way that creating new jargon wouldn’t work as a way of explaining the new post-capitalist economy.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Man, I was all for Spacebucks until I read the winner: “Soros”.
Beck’s head would explode.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Or from Douglas Adams: The Nihngi and the Triganic Pu.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Please stop abusing me.
Galactic Empires = plural (more than one Galactic Empire)
Galactic Empire’s = possessive (that which belongs to the Galactic Empire)
Also, why is Galactic Empire capitalized?
March 27th, 2009 at 6:21 am
How about resurrecting the gold Daric?
March 27th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Oc dollar – James Blish, “Cities in Flight” (backed by germanium!)
Betan dollar – 77 is right
the UCU (or “yuk”) – Neal Stephenson, “The Diamond Age”
the Gipper and the kongbuck – both “Snow Crash”
the Felician millipfennig – “The Warrior’s Apprentice” (much of which is about dodgy currency dealings; and even involves a subprime mortgage scam!)
the silver solon – Scott Lynch, “The Lies of Locke Lamora”
the Altairian dollar – Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (recently collapsed)
the dollarpound – “Red Dwarf”
the fuseodollar – 73 has it
the Ankh-Morpork dollar – and this one too
the New Yen – 71 is right
the Day – Terry Pratchett again, “Strata” – the currency’s based on immortality medicine, one Day equals a day of extra life
March 27th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Many of the Galactic Empires’ get very vindictive if you don’t.
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